I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
