Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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