So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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