Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize