I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
