I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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