Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
