Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
