ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
