You just made me feel so damn special
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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