The maid of honor just puked.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
