Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
