you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
