Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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