mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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