I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
