very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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