oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
