Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
