i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
