i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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