I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
