Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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