I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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