I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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