Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize