she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
