Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
