no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
