went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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