I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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