i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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