Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
