Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
