A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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