I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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