And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
