dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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