You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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