I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish you could order shots online.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
