yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
