I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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