Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
