3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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