Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
