Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
