The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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