She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
