didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
