Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
vagina is talking i cant
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
