I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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