Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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