you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
