Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
