I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
