So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize