she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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