Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
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