im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
be right there i have to get my cape
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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