he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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