FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
