how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
