So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
